Also, I’ve spent 8 years teaching kids at the zoo but I have 3-8 other instructors to work with and help out. In the classroom it would be me alone with 35 middle school or high school kids ( I’m still leaning on teaching secondary education). I’m not 100% sure I’m capable to do that.

I am going to get my substitute teaching cert this summer so in the fall if I don’t get any of the jobs I’ve applied to I can hopefully do something other than waiting for schools to book for an overnight. It will be slow until the spring anyhow. This way I know if I want to teach and if I can do it. Better than taking two years of classes and teaching and then want to quit.

Since I’m turning 30 this year I would love to go to Europe for that, but I’m not sure we could save the money for the trip in time for that. I also don’t know where to go. Part of me wants to go to Germany since that’s one place I haven’t been to that I really want to go, but I also want to go to England and Ireland again. There is also even more places I am sure I would enjoy or would be nice to see again that I had to quickly see or was avoided the last time I went 12 years ago.

I happen to see on Facebook via the Oregon Coast Aquarium that they were at some science day at a marine center that is at Oregon State University. I remembered that a friend of mine at one point was taking online classes there that had something to do with marine biology. So I searched their online degrees and I found one that would be good for both mike and I. It’s wildlife and fisheries. I have so many years of zoo work and mike is interested in working with BLM or something like that. It means lots of science but I’m okay with that. It might help us land decent jobs we’d enjoy.

Different ideas have gone through my head mostly professions I’ve thought about but require more schools and loans to get through. None really speak to me and its hard to figure out what the hell I’m going to be doing or want to do. I feel like all my friends have heir careers and life I order and I’m still floating waiting for my turn.

Which oddly all this has turned into looking at professional mermaids. Yes it’s a thing. I saw an article about one on yahoo and just kept looking at more and more sites and videos on what they do and how to make a swimable mermaid tail, which looks pretty easy. I’ve also seen retreats and conventions for mermaids or aspiring mermaids. I would need to deal with my contacts but I spent all of my childhood and teens in pools and I’m even scuba certified. So it makes sense. I’m sure people I know would laugh at me for such a thought but it could be fun!

I will be working more at the zoo now which is want I want. I’ve been looking online at zoo jobs and my lack of a bio degree is holding things back for me. I found some jobs out of state that would be fun or perfect but as usual no bio degree no job. It stinks and might mean more school for me but I cannot afford it. Unless I do it one class at a time at the community college and then look into a bachelors.

I still enjoy working with kids but I’d love to work with marine animals like I always have wanted

I emailed my zoo boss that I was going to quit the other job when she sent me an email on a bunch of dates that she needed me even though I was suppose to be working at the other job. I let me know that I would get back to her but I’m thinking the 28th would be my last day at the tour company and from now until the end of summer I will be busy with camps and summer camps. Which I miss doing so much. I actually will get to work a night camp here I a few weeks and I’m excited for that and I can train as a lead finally!!!!!

I don’t think I’ll regret this choice either.

I did finally get a tour by myself and it went well but I’m still not enjoying it. I feel like I’m floating along waiting for something to happen or help me. It’s not what I thought it was going to be.

Yesterday was our monthly staff meeting and since I am FINALLY a lead instructor I have lead meetings and as we are talking about things to try the next few weeks and training I was overcome with guilt. I realized that I finally have a boss and people who see things in me that I needed someone to notice. They want me there and really need me to help with the new instructors and changes that are going on. I’ve been so busy with the new job that I forgot how I finally at a point at my zoo career that I wanted several years ago. I have spent so many years teaching kids about the zoo and animals and while that is not what I have been focusing on in school it’s a big part of what I do.

Today I even felt worse. I was talking to a parent and got into talking about the summer camp we have and that I was one of the instructors. I felt so bad after realizing that after I took this new job I wouldn’t be able to do it and what if they remembered me and I wasn’t there. I have built a lot of trust and stuff with a lot of these kids where years down the road the remember me. Makes me feel like this new job is just not at the right time.

I feel like there are so many uncertainty with hours, if I will even be working the hours I’m suppose to, how the future looks for us as a new company and really the hours are playing a toll on my family. A few times I’ve been gone so much the my son doesn’t want to go to bed until I get home and I just want to go to bed. The hours at the zoo rarely do this.

I even feel like I could work at the zoo and pursue a teaching cert or masters in education and teach. I’ve spend almost half of my life teaching kids so why stop now? I just hate this feeling. It’s been eating at me all yesterday and today. How much do benefits and more money weigh when you feel like you’re gone too much.

Today we got to drive up to Sedona in the vans our guests will be sitting in. They are very comfortable and I had no issues with the seats or the drive. It’s a Mercedes Sprinter Van and much nicer than my 2003 Toyota Echo. I have plenty of leg room and the ride is nice and smooth. I don’t think I’ve ever been to Sedona before today. I might when I was really young, but I don’t remember. It’s beautiful, but we haven’t done any touring yet, that will come. Today was new hire orientation and learning the ins and out of our vans. Still not able to drive them yet, but that will come. We then got to have lunch at the company’s cafe and see the retail shop. I left my bag in the car otherwise I would have bought a few things, but there’s always another time.

We got back to the valley at 6:30pm so I had a 12 hour day, 4 of those in the van and it just flew by. I didn’t even realized how quickly it had gone and the first half was paperwork and presentations. Tomorrow we’ll be up at the Grand Canyon and won’t get back into the valley until 8 pm. So a long day, but right away we see how our days will be. I’m still looking forward to it all. I need to write down the information somewhere that will be a big help to me and giving an amazing tour to the guests. I already think I need to add a lot of westerns to my netflix queue.

I’m going to still be at the zoo but I’d like to be able to quit and just have one full time job. Joseph is still young and I don’t want to be working so much I miss stuff.