Family Not As Excited

This week we finally found out that we are going to have a boy. This was exciting for Mike because he really wanted a boy. I was happy to see the little one and see that he looks good. Unfortunately, my family acts like I have a tumor and in 4 more months it will all be over.

Yeah they do not seem excited one bit that I am having a baby, especially my mom. She keeps calling it the “situation” like I am some young teen who got pregnant or something. I am at a good age to have a kid and while I am not married and still in school, it does not mean the baby is any less important. I hope that once the baby is here she’ll act differently, but it’s ashamed that our friends are more excited then my family is about the baby. This is my parents first grandchild. Well one who will survive and they will get to see more than every 10 years.

I know while my dad isn’t thrilled he will at least be willing to play with the kid, what little he can manage with his arthritis. But I know he will make more of an effort than my mom. I’ve seen them with my cousin’s kids and my dad always is game to play with them. My mom will say hi and that’s about it. I maybe a little like my mom around other people’s kids, but that’s because I like to see how everyone reacts and what their parents are okay with as far as interactions. I know one too many parents who don’t like people over stimulating their kids. But if the kid wants me to play Mario Kart I will.

It sort of takes away the excitement from the new baby when they act like this. I really notice it when my mom looked at the ultrasounds. Because she cannot really tell what she’s looking at, even if I outline it for her, she thinks it’s silly. She looked at them and gave them back. My friends looked at them longer and got all excited. It seems like it should be the opposite. I have to try to not let them get me down. I know that Mike and I have a lot of love for this baby and want what’s best. Yes, we will have to sacrifice some things, but we’re parents now. That is all part of our new roles.

Back to Bio… Maybe

Since I have been trying to get my fish I have been rethinking the whole degree thing and how it will help me with a good career to support my future family. I have not done well this semester so far due to being sick or lacking energy. I then keep thinking that if I do get my degree in history that I won’t be able to get a good job because of the area lacking jobs. I have friends who still do not have a job with their history degrees.

My friends with science degrees don’t all have jobs, but they are at the zoo or working on it. I have a feeling that I could be doing well with a science background and possibly be doing what I always wanted to do. I love animals, especially marine animals. Since I was a little girl and I first learned about Dr. Eugenie Clark I knew I wanted to be a marine biologist. I did all that I could to pursue that, but once I got to it, I froze up when I started to have some trouble. I tried again, but had the same trouble and gave up. I never really tried to understand chemistry, I may have attempted, but when I started to have trouble I did not try hard enough to get help or understand.

So what I am thinking about doing is dropping my classes and apply for a medical leave of absence incase I decided to go back to ASU. Then in the fall take the math and science classes at MCC until I got them all done. Then I would apply to some school, don’t know yet which to either get a marine biology degree or a biology degree. I hope I can pull through with all of this.

New Edition

I finally got my betta. I am picky with the ones I get and sometimes the ones I see in store make me depress. Most seem to ignore their bettas due to them being in cups on a shelf and not in tanks like the other fish. It’s all because of males being too aggressive with each other and plain old ignorance and neglect. I went to a newer store because I thought they might have a better selection of bettas, but I was wrong. There were a few dead and a bunch with fin rot. I found only 3 that were healthy looking. One was a small red half moon tail, the other was a bland color half moon tail and a white and black speckled double tail. I saw a regular betta that was a beautiful orange with purple. I loved the colors, but it had fin rot and I was not sure how bad it was. I knew if I got him I would have to treat him right away with medicine and I was not sure I was up to that. I did spend 30 minutes trying to decided between the orange one and the bland one. I wanted the healthy one, but I felt like the orange one was wanting to come with me. If I had a big enough tank or the money for two tanks I would have gotten them both.

My little guy is hard to tell color. He has a white tail with black or dark coloring on the tip. His body is either grey or another color that is similar. Some young bettas will change colors when they get older and have a nice home. I am hoping that he will change colors in time. I do not have a name for him yet. I have a few suggestions from friends, but none of them really stick with me. I am bad about names. I have to have the right one before I will settle. I think it took me a few days to come up with my last betta’s name. I based it on color and his personality.

Here Once Again

So I have found out months ago that I am having a baby. I am excited for it, but with the state of the economy and my struggle in school I am so worried that I am not going to be able to provide for myself and my child. I keep flip flopping what I want to do with school. Anytime I start to struggle or there are classes I just cannot do well in I give up and want to do other things. I am not going to give up on school and I need to finish school and get some kind of degree, but I am so confused on what. I am starting to see rocky waters ahead with my german class, I have no been keeping up or trying to do well with it right now. I have some big papers due that could bring my grades down. If that happens I will get kicked out of ASU. I hate the school, but I do need an actual degree in something. My AA has not given me any more help than if I did not have it.

My other concern is that history related jobs are disappearing due to the economy and the government taking them away. I currently do not have a decent science background, but I have an odd feeling that I might be able to get further if I did go back to biology/marine biology. I think this time I will take only a few classes like chem and calc and then put my effort into them. Both I have struggled with in the past, but again once I get into choppy waters I give up and run away. I cannot do that anymore with a baby on the way.

I guess this all steams from me getting ready to get a betta fish to help keep me calm. Which reminds me of how much I love the ocean and wanted to be a marine biologist. I swear it’s always around this time that I start feeling like I should not be involved with history and just work my ass off at science. I know that it would help a bit at my current job easier. I often have no clue the questions I get asked due to not having the background other people do.

Boston or Some Other Place

Towards the end of June I have a week off from work and I told Mike that I would really like to take a vacation somewhere, other than sitting around Arizona like I usually do. He said he was game and requested the week off as well. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go. Part of me wants to go somewhere close or where I’ve been before. The other part wants to go somewhere I haven’t been to yet. I was looking around on travel websites like Expedia and Travelocity. On one of them had some hotel and flight package deals to Boston. Air and hotel is always the most expensive part of traveling.

I have always wanted to travel to Boston. I am not sure what it is about it, but I want to go one day. Yea, part of it probably has to do with the fact that it’s where a lot of Irish immigrants settled. That is not the main reason. I also could use this trip to Boston to see if I could move their for graduate school if I apply and get into Boston College. It would give me an idea of what life is like in Boston.

I have never traveled to New England and I would love the chance to see it for myself. My mom’s family is from New York and moved to other New England states. So it would be nice to see kind of where she’s from. I know Boston isn’t like Queens, but I think visiting the area would still be nice. Some place new and different for me. Out here in the west everything is pretty similar. I would like to get away from that and see how the other side of the country live.

Where or where do I want to travel to?

Wanna Go Back?

For some reason I have lately been thinking about going back to Oregon for graduate school. Now, they do not have my area in history and it seems to lack what some of the other schools have. I just feel like I want to go recapture Oregon. Like the one who got away or something that I need to go back and beat.

You know how there is that one person or place that completely whipped you and you don’t know how to get on top. You have yout bull, but you cannot capture it. You keep missing it.

I am not sure going back will be any better, but I did love the school and the town was nice. It had other things that I never got to see or do, that would be nice to do again.

I have not made any decisions about grad school yet; I am not sure when I would be graduating. I have a few other schools to consider when it comes to grad school. I need to look at what has what I want. The program and courses are the most important. I have to have those before I look into city, sights and other things.

Money is another thing. I hardly have enough and graduate school will give me more loans that I will have to payback eventually. The higher you go in your education the more exspensive it is and the more debt you collect. In the long run, it maybe worth it, but sometimes it may not be. It all depends on the career I get and how well it pays. If I can pay it all back before I am too old, then it’s a good investment.

I also have been craving to go back to Ireland. It’s been two years since I visited there in 2007 and I miss it terribly. It’s obviously that I am obsessed with all things Irish and I just want to got back and see the place I called home for the summer and all the things I didn’t get to see.

I hope that once I do graduate I can reward myself with a trip back. That would be a fun reward. Getting to more traveling and sightseeing than I was able to when I was studying abroad. I would love to move there or even go to graduate school there. The only issue is I am not sure how Mike would be able to stay in the coutry for long. Unless, he gets a job at the Guiness facotry .

Bad Girl

Dear Father, Please Forgive me, for I have sinned. Yeah us Catholics are guilty people. I’m a horrible animal lover though. No I didn’t run over a cotton tale bunny or hit a quail. I have struggled with my diet since I got back from Oregon. I use to be a die hard animal rights supporter and swore that I would never eat meat EVERY again. Then I was tested and I was worried that my health was suffering due to not eating healthy because there were no vegan friendly foods in the house.

I then lost my focus on why I was even a vegan. I couldn’t look at anything the same and saw right threw all the ideals and beliefs I had about animal rights. Instead of my usual words, I had the thoughts of your average omnivore. I couldn’t believe my ears or thoughts for the first few months. I kept telling myself that one day I would be back. When I was good and ready. When I felt that I would be a good vegan who could not only live healthy as one, but someone who won’t put same to the lifestyle.

I do not know if I am ready to go back yet. I have notice worse health issues since jumping the bandwagon and I am not sure I am doing myself any good being in denial. Ignoring everything I know and once hold as true. I believe I need to sit down with the only doctor I trust and seek her opinion.

My life is so hectic and it’s hard to have time to cook or space to do it. I would need to spend all my free time making meals. Yes, I do like to cook/bake, despite that my last attempt turned out horrible. I think I need to think it over and see which is the best for me.

Failure in Crafts

I hate when you have all these cool ideas in your head and when you finally act out on them, they turn horribly wrong. For my this happens with my papers for school and my crafty/business ventures. Tonight I sat down to make the 5 sets of jewelry I offered to make for MA’s wedding. I was waiting on my paycheck so I could buy the toggles so I could get it all done. I didn’t lay everything out before hand and I found out too late that I am short at least 100 beads or more. I haven’t made such a huge order before so I forgot to calculate exactly how many beads I would need for each piece. I finished my set and then started on the others and I realize that I only had enough for maybe two or three sets, but not five.

I luckily had the small beads I ordered by mistake so I changed the design and am waiting to see if MA wants hers to be like everyone else’s or if she wants hers to be the same design I originally had plan. I told her what I liked and thought would look good, but she’s the bride and it’s up to her. The good thing is that I got that mess figured out.

I have been wanting to get into soap making and so for the wedding gift I thought I would make some soaps for them. I hate the wedding registry and how boring it all seems. I like to do things a bit different. I don’t have time to do the cold process method since it takes weeks for the soap to be ready to use. Cold process uses lye and natural oils. So I had to settle with melt and pour, which seems easy, but I didn’t like it. You cut up the block into small pieces and melt it so you can pour it into the mold. Well the soap melted okay, but the smell I could not get right. The block already has a smell to it and for me it smells off. I added cinnamon and vanilla to the soap, but the smell would not go away. I did not keep the mold still, but when it came time to take the mold out I had to fight with it. You are suppose to put pressure on the mold and it pops out. I ended up not only ruining the molds, they were celtic knots as well, but one of the soaps just would not come out.

I think for me I rather go with the cold process and use a loaf mold and that will be much better for me and to sell. Yeah I want to switch to selling and making soaps instead of jewelry. It’s just loosing it’s appeal on me. There are just so many jewelry artists out there, especially on Etsy and I just don’t find it all that challenging. It takes me 5 minutes to string an item and maybe a bit more to think about a design. I rather do something that is like baking, takes a bit of time, but also requires a lot of creativity.

I have a few ideas for soap already. I want to work on them before I even mention them, but trust me I think they might be huge sellers for me. Well I hope so at least.

Oh History

Today Mike and I went to the Renaissance Festival. I usually go every year, but I always seem to get a bit annoyed with the lack of accuracy of the festival. I am sorry seeing woman dressed like belly dancers, pirates and more Elizabethan style outfits.

Since Pirates of the Caribbean movies, The Tudors and other historical fiction has become popular people decide to dress like those whenever they can see a reason to.

So for some reason I was reminded of when I went to Tombstone. It’s a town in southern Arizona with a lot of history and ghosts. Yes, I have to mention ghosts with this place. A lot of reports have been made about all kinds of activity about sightings. The town is most known for Wyatt Earp, Doc Holiday and the O.K. Coral. If any of that sounds familiar then you probably know about Tombstone.

Yes, there was a movie called Tombstone, but I find it a poor recreation of the events of O.K. Coral. If you want a better movie Wyatt Earp is much better.

Shortly after I went to Tombstone I became a bit obsessed with Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday. I cannot remember what I did, but I do know that I rented Wyatt Earp many times and wore my t-shirt of Wyatt Earp and his mean from Tombstone all the time.

I realize that while I have a lot of interest in European history I also have a lot of US history. I own that all to The American Girls books and a few other things. I guess I really need to look into what areas I can do well in and where I do not have to do too much moving around or easier to find a career in.

Nothing Better

I had to quit lifeguard training. I got a horrible sinus infection and was unable to do anything. I was doing decent in the class, but I was not nothing to put my health in danger. Yes, if I went under water I would drown or really done some damage to myself. It took only two days for me to become unable to function. I think I should do other things than lifeguard. I do not think I am in the right place to be lifeguarding again. Just rushed into the idea without much thought.

I did make an appointment with the lady in charge of the yoga program at SCC. I think that is a much better idea for me. I am not sure job wise how sound it will be, but it could be something to fall back on or a career while I get a higher education. I will need to write a list of questions for her, mostly about jobs and any resources for jobs for yoga instructors. If I can make good money doing it, then by all means then it’s for me. It will make things a whole lot better. If I can teach at a nice spa somewhere, eve better.

I am not sure what Mike and I are going to be doing for St. Patty’s Day, but hopefully someplace fun and with lots of good food. Cheap drinks will even be a plus. I don’t have a whole lot of money to spend on drinks.